


If Music Be The Food

by Thirdeyeblinkings



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Boys Kissing, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, HP Next Gen, Happy Ending, Jeddy Fest, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-26 09:26:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18280346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thirdeyeblinkings/pseuds/Thirdeyeblinkings
Summary: Teddy is avoiding the Potters; James and Lily are going to find out why. And if the reason breaks James' heart, maybe it's for best. If only James really believed that.





	If Music Be The Food

**Author's Note:**

  * For [keyflight790](https://archiveofourown.org/users/keyflight790/gifts).



> Gifting this to keyflight790, for being a super lovely beta, and because she made a bartender question her sanity while reading this over in a pub and making faces at her laptop :D Much love to you!!!
> 
> Thank you also to Goldentruth813 for running this fest! We are blessed!
> 
>  
> 
> **IMPORTANT**  
> Two songs are linked within this fic: (click on the underlined words when they show up). The first one is “Can’t help falling in Love,” by Elvis Presley, performed by Christian Akridge. The second is “Please Notice,” written and performed by Christian Akridge (lyrics edited slightly within this story to make them fit the characters/plot).
> 
> I *strongly* encourage you to click the links when they come up to listen, if you are able! Christian Ackridge is my voice cast for how these songs are sung in the story, and for me it really added to the whole swoony experience. That said, I do hope the story/scenes hold up on their own, too :)
> 
> Please also note that I do not own any of these songs, lyrics, or the characters in the Harry Potter universe. Title taken from the Shakespeare quote “If music be the food of love, play on.” (Probably taken way out of context. *shrug*)

 

**If Music Be The Food**

 

James swings open the door of the Potter family home with a dramatic lunge into the foyer. No sign of his parents back from work yet, which is just as well. He’s sweaty and spent from a rigorous Quidditch practice, and all he wants to do is sprawl out on the couch and fall asleep until dinner time.

Only he can’t. He stops short at the sight of Teddy in the sitting room at the end of the corridor. He’s poised on the edge of a sofa cushion, engaged in conversation with Lily.

James feels his muscles tense and his heart rate pick up again as he strains to hear what they’re saying. Teddy’s not supposed to be there until 8, when they have their monthly games night. It’s a tired, perhaps silly tradition from when they were kids, but he always looks forward to it.

“We know you’re there, James,” Lily calls out. “Stop skulking about.”

“I’m not. I was just on my way to the kitchen,” he lies.

“Well, get over here first. I’m interrogating Teddy.”

“Oh, really?” He says, wandering over in a very practised, casual way. “What for? Hey, Teds.”

He has to struggle to keep his voice even, because Teddy looks even more gorgeous than he usually does, dressed in James’ favourite threadbare jeans, a black vest and a cherry red leather jacket that sets off his electric blue hair perfectly.

“Because he’s bailing on games night and he’s dressed like that,” Lily pouts.

“Jamie,” Teddy cracks a nervous smile. “It’s not a big deal. How would we play codenames with an odd number anyway?” James silently curses Albus for fucking off with the Malfoys for the summer. But he’s not going to pout like a baby just because Teddy isn’t going to be around for a stupid games night. He is, however, highly in favour of Lily’s interrogation.

“Anyway, Lily says I’m being mysterious simply because I don’t share my every waking move with your lovely family.”

The words hurt more than they should. James clears his throat in an effort to shake them off.

“Well, Tedward, I have to side with Lils there. We tell each other everything in this house. I have her menstrual cycle marked on my calendar.”

“It’s true,” Lily admits. “Knowledge is power, right?”

Teddy smirks and rolls his eyes.

“And you’re a surrogate member, so, by rights--”

“By rights, nothing,” Teddy laughs. “As much as I appreciate familiarity, and I _do,_ in appropriate contexts, I’m a twenty-six-year-old man who needs space from time to time.”

“Pfft. Space is over-rated.” James nudges Teddy’s knee with his foot. “Budge over.” Teddy complies, like he always does, and James sinks down next to him.

“So, what’s with the look? Where you off to?” James asks, trying not to sound too interested. Trying to sound like he’s just playing along with Lily, and _not_ dying to know why Teddy is decked out like a fashion model instead of sporting the jogging bottoms and a worn t-shirt he usually favours on his days off.

“Nowhere,” Teddy responds with a twinkle in his eye.

“Well that’s a lie, obviously,” James gives him a once over. “You’re dressed like you’re on the pull.”

“That’s what I said!” Lily cries. “Really, Teddy, you’re fooling no one.”

“And if I told you it has nothing to do with that, would you believe me?”

“No,” Lily says at the same time James says, “Yes,” only because he so desperately _wants_ to believe it.

Having a crush on his godbrother is inconvenient at the best of times. When he’s looking like _this_ , it’s downright torturous.

Teddy’s always been private about his relationships, though, perhaps now more than ever. It bothers James more than he’ll admit.

They’re supposed to be close. Even though James knows they could never be together, that Teddy will never see him that way, he’d like to think he’s one of the first people Teddy would talk to about, well, anything. And it’s not like he’s a kid anymore. He’s nineteen, and perfectly capable of discussing adult things like sex and relationships with his best mate. If that’s even what Teddy is anymore.

Since James graduated from Hogwarts two years ago, something shifted in Teddy, but he can’t figure out what. Auror training has kept him busy, sure, and James has his own demanding schedule, but something still feels off. Is it possible Teddy has just . . . outgrown them? Outgrown him? James can’t bear the thought, so he chases it away.  

“Fine, keep your secrets, Lupin,” he sniffs, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. “I’ll just assume the worst then.”

“Which is?” Teddy counters.

“Goblin orgy.”

“Ah, you know me too well,” Teddy sighs without missing a beat. “Goblins do love their leather,” he continues, pulling up the collar of his jacket seductively.

“Ugh, too far!” James yelps, elbowing him and pretending that little move Teddy just pulled does absolutely nothing for him.

“Anyway,” Teddy slaps his hands to his knees as he gets up. “Lovely chat. But I must be going. See you Sunday for dinner?”

“You bet,” Lily chirps, standing and ruffling his hair.

“Oi, watch it! I actually spent time on that today,” Teddy pouts.

James jumps up to seize his chance. “You know I can’t let you get away with that,” he warns as he puts Teddy in a headlock and roughs up his hair with his other hand. Dangerous territory, that. Is he being too obvious about making an excuse to touch him? Or is this just what mates do?

“Hey, hey!” Teddy laughs, grabbing James’ wrists and pulling them out in front of him. Then it’s just the two of them staring face to face, James wrists still in Teddy’s hands, and Teddy’s hair a rumpled mess that somehow manages to look even better than it did before. James can’t breathe. Teddy looks supremely uncomfortable.

“Er, thanks for that, Jamie,” he mumbles while letting go and taking a step back. “See you later,” he waves awkwardly and steps into the floo.  

“Yeah. Later,” James replies, a hollow tightness in his chest.

“Merlin and Morgana, James.  Obvious much?” Lily teases after he’s gone.

“Fuck off, Lils,” James says softly. “Not in the mood.”

Her expression softens. “It’s driving you crazy, isn’t it?”

James shrugs. “'M trying not to let it.”

Lily pulls at strand of her hair and scrutinizes him like she’s weighing her options. “All right,” she finally sighs, “if I tell you something, do you promise not to do something stupid?”

James shoots her a look. “Signs point to no.”

“I was afraid you would say that, because I think I’m going to tell you anyway.”

“Okayyy. Can't say I'm not interested in where this is going."

“I saw something fall from Teddy’s pocket when you two were . . . scuffling, or whatever that was.”

“Oh?”

She digs in her purse and pulls out a slip of parchment, then holds it out to him. He takes it and sees _The Loose Giraffe. 7pm Wed_ scrawled in Teddy’s hand-writing.

“That’s tonight,” he says blankly. “Sounds like a date.”

“I don’t know.” Lily purses her lips. “Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t. _Maybe_ you could go and find out.”

“Now who’s suggesting something stupid?”

“I’m not saying you go and declare your love or anything daft like that. I just mean, like, maybe show up unnoticed . . .”

“You mean spy on him. Lils, I can’t do that.”

Not that he isn’t tempted of course. Because yes, it is killing him not to know. But he has boundaries, for Merlin's sake.

“Under normal circumstances, I would agree with you,” Lily continues, unfazed.

“But?”

“But, I think you need closure.”

“Oh, _here_ we go. No, I don’t. I really don't. Closure would suggest something has been opened in the first place, and it hasn’t. He’s never, ever looked at me that way. We’ve never come close to discussing--I’m just being an idiot.”

“You’re always an idiot,” Lily says off-hand, “But this is different. It’s really hurting you, this thing you can’t let go of with him. And I think . . . if you saw him with . . . whoever he’s with tonight, maybe you could move forward.”

Move forward. With what? Teddy is all he’s ever wanted. He’s not looking for a “special someone” else to move forward with. He tried that already and it didn’t work. He’s looking for Teddy.

“What if it doesn’t work?” He says in a strained whisper. “What if it just makes everything worse?”

Lily throws an arm around his waist and leans her head on his shoulder.

“It might,” she says gently. “At first, it might be awful. But in time, maybe it’ll be what you need.”

He lets out a slow breath. He does want to get over this. Because what’s the alternative?

“All . . . right. Looks like I’m going to the Loose Giraffe tonight, then.”

“There’s a good lad,” Lily says with a patronizing punch to his arm.

“Wanna come with me?”

“Absolutely. You’ll need help behaving yourself.”

“Hey.” He narrows his eyes. “Was that your plan all along, dear, kind sister?”

“Might’ve been,” she says as she flips her hair.

“You really want to know what he’s up to as well, don’t you?”

“Er, Knowledge is power?” she says sheepishly.

James throws his head back and groans. “Of course. Here I thought you cared.”

“I _do_ care. And I’m also dead curious. People can have more than one reason to do things.”

“Yes, I’m aware, Lily. Fucking Slytherin.”

Lily tsks. “Good thing Al’s not home to hear that.”

“Oh, he probably heard it all the way from Charlbury,” James says wryly. Albus may be spending most of his summer in the Cotswolds with the Malfoys, but he seems to possess supersonic hearing when it comes to digs against Slytherins. Spending night and day with Scorpius would probably only amplify it.

“Anyway, don’t change the subject.”

“Well, who cares why I’m interested. Are we doing this or not?”

“We are. Brilliant. Bringing my sister to a pub to stalk my unattainable crush. And here I thought I didn’t have plans tonight.”

Lily giggles. “I’ll owl Mum and Dad and tell them not to expect us for dinner.”

 

***

 

7:15 pm. James flicks his hoodie over his head as he and Lily approach the pub.

“It looks Muggle,” he says, frowning.

“Is there something wrong with that?”

“Of course not, it’s just . . . not what I would expect. Do you think he’s dating a Muggle?”

James can’t picture it. Teddy would have to hide so much of who he was if that were the case. But maybe it would explain what he was being so secretive about. Maybe he knew James would react like that.

Lily swats the back of his neck. “Hey. Stop spiralling. We don’t even know if it’s a date, and even if it is, wizards go to Muggle places all the time. Just chill out, okay?”

“Fine, yeah, okay.” James swallows thickly as he casts a disillusionment charm on both of them and pushes through the door. The pub is dimly lit, save for a soft spotlight on a small stage in the corner, and candles flicker on each table. James can’t help thinking it looks cozy, even romantic. He scans the crowd for Teddy as Lily scouts around for an empty seat.

“Looks full,” she says in dismay. “Pretty busy for a Wednesday night. Do you see him?”

“Not y--” James stops, because suddenly he does see him. He’s sitting alone at a table near the front, his blue hair practically glowing as the stage lighting bounces off of it. He looks nervous. His left knee is bouncing, which always gives him away. It takes all of James’ restraint not to walk over and--and do what? What is he doing here? This was a bad idea.

Just then, a woman in a slim-fitting plum suit with a mass of curly brown hair sits down directly beside Teddy. She smiles like she knows him, and places a hand on his knee. He nods and laughs, then stares down at the table.

James feels his blood run cold. It must be her, then. He doesn’t need to see any more.

“Let’s go,” he whispers hoarsely to Lily. “We shouldn’t be here.”    

“Shh, don’t be hasty,” she hisses. “I put my hand on your knee all the time.”

“That’s . . . different,” James says through clenched teeth. “You’re family. They’re . . .”

“You don’t know what they are. Let’s just sit tight.”

“We’re standing?”

“You know what I mean.”

James reluctantly stays put.

The lights flicker for a moment and a grizzled man with ruddy cheeks and eyebrows for days saunters up to the microphone on stage.

“How’s everyone doing tonight?” 

A few hoots and cheers from the crowd. Teddy doesn’t do anything, just resumes bouncing his knee.

“Welcome to the Loose Giraffe’s first open mic night! We’ve got some stellar acts to start us off already, so let’s give them a friendly hello!”

The crowd cheers.

“That’s more like it! We’ve got a few musical debuts happening here this evening,” he continues, pacing the stage, then leans down to where Teddy is sitting. “Including this handsome bloke.”

Someone wolf whistles. James and Lily look at each other. “Did you know?” Lily asks.

“No,” James shakes his head in disbelief. Another Teddy Lupin secret. He’s never heard Teddy play or sing in his life, not even along with the wireless. Does he know him at all?

Teddy blushes an intense red at the man’s comment and James knows it’s taking all of Teddy’s energy not to allow his hair to change that colour as well. “What did you say your name was, lad?” He holds the mic in front of Teddy’s face.

“Er, I didn’t?” Teddy replies with a shaky smile.

The crowd laughs. “Aaaah, he’s so _cute!”_ James hears a girl squeal a few rows up.

“Well, you’re up,” the man booms. “Give it up for . . .” he thrusts the mic into Teddy’s face again and waits.

Teddy leans forward. “Teddy Lupin,” he says shyly, and looks out into the audience.

They clap and a few shrieks ring out. Teddy reaches under the table and pulls out--a ukulele?

“Will wonders never fucking cease,” James mutters.

“Shh!” Lily elbows him again.

Teddy climbs the three steps up to the stage, places the mic in the stand and clears his throat.

“Thanks. Er, never done this before. Obviously . . . I guess I’ll start with a classic.”

A hush falls over the room. Teddy adjusts the shoulder strap of the ukulele and strums a quick chord to test the sound. Then he steps back, begins playing, closes his eyes and [ croons ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8RdepuJTOcc) into the mic.

 

_Wise men say_

_Only fools rush in_

_But I can’t help_

_Falling in love with you._

 

James isn’t sure when his mouth fell open, but he’s not capable of closing it any time soon. Teddy is _good._ He’s beautiful. His voice--a reedy, soulful tenor--stretches out over the audience like magic.

“What the _fuck_?” Lily mouths beside him.

James can only nod, a lump forming in his throat.

A flood of emotions rolls over him as he listens to Teddy sing, watches the tendons of his throat straining under his skin, and the way his lips move with the lyrics.

Teddy opens his eyes for a moment and James sees his gaze fall to the woman sitting at the front table. She smiles and gives him a thumbs up, and his tentative grin widens as he sings the chorus.

 

_Like the river flows_

_Surely to the sea_

_Darling so it goes_

_Some things were meant to be._

 

James tugs Lily’s sleeve.

“I can’t watch anymore.”

She meets his eyes with pity. “James, maybe it’s not what you think.”

“Do _you_ think it’s what I think?”

She doesn’t answer.

“And anyway, isn’t this why we came here? To find out if he was . . . with someone? I think it’s pretty obvious that he is. He’s practically serenading . . . fuck, I can’t do this. I have closure, now, okay? Can we go?”

Lily looks like she’s about to argue, but then thinks better of it. “Okay,” she says softly. “Let’s go.”

 

****

 

During Sunday dinner, James won’t meet Teddy’s eyes. He can’t believe he allowed himself to think that seeing Teddy with someone else would be a good thing.

If he’s honest, he hadn’t expected to see that. Not really. He had hoped, deep down, that whatever Teddy was doing on his dressy night out had nothing to do with relationships. He still hoped--like the pathetic idiot he is--that maybe one day Teddy would see him differently.

No chance of that now. How could he have been so stupid? Teddy won’t even tell him about his hobbies. That hurts just as much, actually. Why wouldn’t Teddy tell him he wanted to try music?

“Pass the peas, Jamie?”

James nudges the peas over and continues staring at his own plate.

“Thanks.”

“So,” Ginny says awkwardly. “How’ve you been, Teddy?”

“Fine. Good. You know.” Teddy responds.

“Or maybe we _don’t_ ,” James mumbles under his breath. Lily kicks him in the shin.

“What was that, James?”

“Nothing. I’m not hungry.” He pushes his chair back from the table and leaves his plate half full. “Going for a walk.”

It’s a chilly evening for August. Reminds him of the first evening Teddy was away at Hogwarts, how James had been in a similar mood that night so many years ago. He’s being a bit of a prat, but he doesn’t care. He’s just lost his best mate. Again. Sure, Teddy would say he’s being dramatic, but he’s not. What he has been is in denial all this time, hasn’t he? Teddy will get serious with that girl, maybe even move in with her or, Merlin forbid, get married. Or have kids! He’ll practically disappear. And James will be miserable forever.

“Hey.” A light touch at his elbow. It sends shivers down his spine.

He should have known Teddy would follow him out.

“Hi,” he says shortly.

They walk through the garden together.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Teddy says softly, “but I can’t help feeling you’re upset.”

“Nah,” James shakes his head.

“Really? Because I don’t think I’ve ever seen you leave half your food at the table. I mean, ever.”

“Yeah. Well. People change.”

“That’s true,” Teddy says slowly. “I suppose we’ve both changed a bit, haven’t we?”

“Yeah. A bit.”

“You don’t want to tell me what’s going on?”

James stops and closes his eyes. If he opens them, he’ll see Teddy’s wide hazel eyes looking back at him with concern, and his face will be soft and his mouth will be--No. That’s the problem. Of course he wants to tell Teddy. Even though it will just make things worse. Teddy’s always been the only one he wants to talk to when things go to shit.  

James tilts his head back. “Yeah, fine, okay.  Thing is . . .” He stops, then charges onward. “Lils and I saw you at the pub on Wednesday.”

Teddy sputters and his cheeks go pink. “You--you what? How? Why were you there?”

Is he panicking? Surely it’s not _that_ big of a deal.  

“Lily found that piece of paper that was in your pocket. We decided to investigate.”

“James--that was--”

“Private? Personal? Not okay? Yeah, I know.”

“I--” Teddy clenches his jaw. “Well, yes, to say the least.”

“Look, I’m sorry--”

“Are you?” The tone of Teddy’s voice is different from what James would have expected. Less angry, more . . . disappointed?

“Yes. Very sorry,” he says, feeling his throat close up. _You have no idea how sorry_ , he thinks to himself.

The air is heavy between them, and James can’t help but feel that Teddy is waiting for him to say something else. But he won’t. He can’t say what he really wants to say. Let Teddy think he was curious or annoyed or just being a git, because coming out with “Can’t you see I’m in love with you?” is simply not an option. If anyone should do more explaining here, it’s Teddy.

“I should go,” Teddy says, taking a step back from James. “See you later, I guess.”

That’s it?

“That’s all you have to say?” James blurts before he can stop himself.

“James.” Teddy’s voice breaks. It sounds so odd. And he never calls him James. “What else is there to say? You weren’t supposed to be there, all right? I was never going to tell you.”

What? _Never?_

“Why _not_?” James shouts. Teddy flinches, but James is too worked up to calm down. “We used to tell each other everything! You think I care that you’re seeing someone?” Teddy cocks his head sideways. “You think I care that you sing like some sort of siren angel whatever?” Teddy’s mouth opens, just a little, like he can’t make sense of what he’s hearing. “Or that you’re drifting further and further away from this family . . . from me?” Teddy blinks, shaking his head in disbelief. “Because of course I bloody well care! I care too much, all right?”

“Er, James--” Teddy says, palming the back his neck and squinting. “Were you at the same pub I was?”

What kind of question is that?

“Yeah, Teds. I was. I saw you serenade your girlfriend--beautifully, I might add--and then Lily and I got the fuck out of there.”

“My . . . girlfriend?”

“Yeah. The . . . pretty . . . curly . . . the thumbs up girl at your table. I saw. You don’t have to hide things from me. I’m not some fucking kid brother.”

For some reason, Teddy smiles. “It’s been a long time since I’ve thought of you as a kid anything, Jamie.”

“That’s what I was hop--what I _thought_ ,” James continues. “Until you started hiding everything from me.”

Teddy bites his lip and sighs through his nose. “You only stayed for one song?”

“Yeah. Then we left.”

Teddy outright grins now, even chuckles a bit. 

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Teddy says quickly. “Only--why’d you leave?”

James can’t come up with an answer quick enough. He hopes his scowl will do, even as his cheeks get warm and warmer. “Could we maybe just forget it?”

“No,” Teddy says firmly. “I can’t.”

“Well, I don’t want to talk about it. I’m sorry.”

“All right,” Teddy grabs his elbow again, then lets it go. “I just need to tell you, though: She’s not my girlfriend.”

“She’s not?” James tries not to sound too hopeful. It’s not like it will change much anyway. “She’s not, as in . . . you guys aren’t into labels or . . .?”

“She’s not, as in, I’m not into her. She’s not into me. She’s my music teacher, Jamie. And the teacher student thing is _not_ a kink of mine.”

“Oh.” James knows he’s blushing now. It feels like his face is on fire, not least of all because his brain is a bit stuck on all the other contexts in which he’d like to hear Teddy talk about his kinks.

“I haven’t been in a serious relationship for while, actually. So I’m not hiding that from you. The singing thing is a little more . . . I dunno. I guess I just wanted something that was only mine, you know?”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” James replies, feeling small, and like a complete arse. It makes a lot of sense. If anyone should understand that, it’s him, eldest son of the famous Harry Potter.

“That,” Teddy continues, “and I wanted to make sure I was at least passably good before I let you hear me. Because, believe it or not, I actually care what you think.” He chews the side of his mouth nervously.

“Wait.” James pauses. “You said never.”

“What?”

“You said you were _never_ going to tell me.”

“Did I?” Teddy says weakly.

“You definitely did. But she’s not your girlfriend, and you just said you planned to tell me about the music thing once you thought you were good enough. You are, by the way. Good enough. You were amazing. But. What was it that you were never going to tell me, then?”

Teddy looks like he’s been caught hexing pygmy puffs. “Oh, er . . .”

“Because whatever it is, I’m sure I can handle it. Fuck, I’ve _missed_ you Teddy, all right? It’s not been the same, for a while now. I don’t know if you’re avoiding me on purpose or if this is just one of the ways adulthood sucks but . . . you’re still my best mate. I love you. I want you to trust me.”

His heart hammers in his chest. Because it’s true. It’s all true, even if James leaves out the thing he most wants to say. Even if he’s so close to saying it.

Instead he says, “Even if you’re into goblin orgies.”

Teddy lets out a barking laugh, then nods once, slowly, hesitantly. “Okay.” He throws an arm around James’ shoulder. “Oh, Jamie," he says softly, half to himself. "You’re right. I just need a little more time. Come back to the Loose Giraffe this Wednesday? I’ll tell you then.”

“Yeah?” James has to fight to stop himself from melting into Teddy right there.

“Yeah.”

“All right. Deal. Does that mean I have to suffer through your singing again?”

“I’m afraid so,” Teddy grins.

“Good,” says James, and places his hand as close to Teddy’s as he dares as they head inside.

 

***

 

Next Wednesday, James, Teddy, and Alyssa, Teddy’s exceedingly friendly--and, close up, considerably older--music teacher, are seated just a couple tables from the front of the stage.

Open Mic Night doesn’t officially start for another twenty minutes, and even so, Teddy’s not the first act this time, but his knee looks like it will bounce right off his leg.

“Hey,” James leans close to Teddy’s ear, but not close enough to let his lips touch it, “Don’t be nervous.”

“You can tell I’m nervous?” Teddy asks quickly, glancing around.

“Of course.” James nudges Teddy’s knee with his own. “Dead giveaway.”

“Oh. Yeah.”

“You’ll be brilliant, you know. You’ll be perfect. Honestly, Teddy, I was really impressed last time. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Right. Well, I’m not sure you’ll feel the same this time.”

“Don’t be daft.” James rolls his eyes. Honestly, Teddy is too modest. Can he even hear himself? “And listen, I’ve been thinking. Whatever it is you didn’t want to tell me, it’s fine. I mean, if that’s what’s making you so edgy right now, just forget it. It means enough to me that you invited me here. There are some things you can keep to yourself. I shouldn’t force you to share if you don’t want to.”

He and Lily talked about it for a while last night, and as much as he wishes Teddy would share everything with him, he wants it to be on Teddy’s terms, not his.

“Thanks,” Teddy says, but he doesn’t look relieved. “Too late to turn back now, though.”

“If you say so, mate.” Lately, James has been tacking “mate” onto every sentence he can, without sounding like a robot, just to keep his wits about him. They’re best mates, and that’s enough. That’s enough. If he says it multiple times a day, maybe it will come true.

They sit back and listen to the three performers ahead of Teddy, all of them pleasant enough. As the third one finishes, James takes Teddy’s hand and squeezes it. Best mates can do that, right? “You’ll be great,” he says a final time. Teddy’s face goes pale briefly before he makes his way onto the stage.

James watches him roll his shoulders and tug on the hem of his denim jacket. Merlin, he’s adorable.

“Hi everyone,” he speaks into the mic. “I’m happy to be here to share a song with you. It’s um, an original song. That I wrote.”

The urge to hug this awkwardly adorable person that he loves with all his heart nearly overwhelms James. An original song? Is this the thing Teddy didn’t want to tell him? That he writes music too?

“If you were here last week, you might’ve heard it. That is, if you didn’t run out after the first song I played.” His eyes dart to James, who laughs. Teddy takes another shaky breath and tucks an invisible lock of hair behind his left ear before staring out at the crowd. He swallows hard, then says in a voice barely above a whisper, “This song is called _Jamie_.”

If James had been drinking he would have sprayed a mouthful all over the table. _What_? As it is, he just sits, stunned, while Teddy plucks a guitar out of a stand on stage and plays a few chords before closing his eyes. When Teddy starts to [ sing ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aekChhe4_pA), James can only watch, wide-eyed, his heart in his throat and his stomach doing flips.

 

_Jamie when you sleep_

_Do you dream of me?_

_And when you’re awake_

_Do you think of me?_

 

_I need to know_

_How do you feel?_

 

_Cause Jamie when I sleep_

_I dream of you_

_And when I’m awake_

_That’s all I do_

 

_Think about every detail_

_You have_

 

_Do you notice when I get mad,_

_I clench my jaw?_

_Do you notice when I get sad,_

_I tend to fall_

_over my words I say to you?_

 

_. . ._

 

That’s when Teddy opens his eyes to look at him, and James sees the thing he’s been feeling, for so long, for years, the thing that could only be called pure, unabashed hope, written all over Teddy’s face. It’s unmistakable.

The lump James felt in his throat the first time he heard Teddy sing is nothing compared to what he feels now--like he might burst. He blinks as tears escape his eyes and run down his cheeks. He doesn’t bother wiping them away, just nods while meeting Teddy’s gaze and tries to smile without losing it completely.

 

_Cause I notice when you get mad_

_You close your eyes_

_And I notice when you are sad_

_You let out sighs_

 

_I need to know are those sighs ever over me?_

 

James stares, transfixed, and Teddy picks up the tempo on the guitar and sings louder, a smile unlike one James has ever seen splitting his face, so that the next verse almost comes out like a laugh.

 

_Do you know how in love with you_

_I am?_

_Do you see how in love with you_

_I am?_

 

_Every thing that you do, it makes my heart stop_

_Oh, it stops_

 

The tempo slows down again and Teddy sings the last line, clear and beautiful.

 

_Jamie when you sleep, do you dream of me?_

 

Teddy stops playing. The crowd claps and cheers and James might be wrong, but he thinks he hears a collective sigh as Teddy bounces back down the steps to his seat after playing only one song. Well, too bad for them.

His pulse is roaring in his ears now as Teddy settles in beside him. Neither of them look at each other at first. In fact, both of them pretend to watch the next performer politely while not moving a muscle.

It gives James pause. Did that really just happen? Did he hear it right? And if so, what should he do now? And why isn’t Teddy doing anything?

Then again, Teddy’s done quite a lot already. The next move is his. Is he a Gryffindor or isn’t he?

Just then, Teddy adjusts his position ever so slightly, causing their shoulders to brush together, and doesn’t move away. It’s all the invitation James needs. Before he can think about doing anything else, he snakes his hand between them and grabs Teddy’s, who leans into him and sighs.  The scent of Teddy’s hair, the callouses on his fingers, the way they fit together--it’s like a dream, or better.

Feeling bold, James raises their clasped hands and presses Teddy’s knuckles to his lips.

Then Teddy’s voice is in his ear, soft and tentative, his lips brushing against James, setting his nerves alight. “Could we maybe . . . get out of here?”

James nods fervently and tugs Teddy to his feet. They wind their way through the crowd, still holding hands, ignoring the catcalls that follow in their wake.

Once they’re outside, James pulls Teddy closer, nips into the alleyway beside the pub, and steadies his hands on the other man’s hips.

Teddy quirks an eyebrow.

Now what?

“You--” James begins, then stops when his eyes meet Teddy’s, finding he’s quite at a loss for words. But he has to say something, something that lets Teddy know how much the song meant, how much _he_ means. “I--” he stops again, distracted by the way Teddy’s lips curve up on one side. “It’s . . . how did . . .?”

“Go on, I’m listening,” says Teddy in the warm, playful voice that’s graced far too many of James’ fantasies.

“Oh, fuck it.” James swoops in and plants a hard kiss to Teddy’s mouth. It's uncoordinated and rough and altogether embarrassing, but gods above, it's home in a way he's never felt. Teddy's lips are soft and warm, and his hand cups James' face like it's a gift he's afraid to break. With great personal restraint, James pulls away to look at him.

A smile, the same one he beamed at James from on stage, spreads over Teddy’s face. It’s one of relief, James realises with astonishment. How could Teddy have ever doubted how he would react to this? He leans in so their foreheads are touching.

“Ever the eloquent one, eh Jamie?” Teddy huffs against his cheek.

“You wrote a song about me?” It comes out squeaky but he doesn’t care.

“Yeah, I guess I did.”

“And you . . . meant it? You’re . . . you . . .?”

Teddy takes James’ face in both hands and kisses him once--

“Every” -- twice --

“Single” -- three times --

“Word.”

James kisses him back the fourth time, holding him there, deepening the kiss, slipping his tongue into Teddy’s mouth where it’s greeted with hot enthusiasm. Teddy moans softly, muddling any coherent thought in James’ head. He needs _more_. He moves one hand up and rakes it through Teddy’s hair, which is slowly morphing into a vivid pink, a shade James has never seen before. Teddy shuffles them over to the wall and pins James against it, breaking the kiss only to graze James’ jaw with his teeth.

“ _Fuck,_ ” James hisses, trying to calm down, despite the fact that it feels so good, because all things considered, he’d rather not come in his pants beside a pub.

Well, _he_ wouldn’t, but his dick seems to feel otherwise.

“Teddy--” he says weakly. “Teds, just--oh, gods, we should stop.”

Teddy stops, pulls away, pupils blown and lips swollen, looking every bit like a wet dream come to life. “Okay. Yeah, you’re right. Got a little carried away,” he says, a beautiful blush blooming on his cheeks. “I’ve just wanted this for so long.”

“You wanker,” James blurts, a sudden realization hitting him.

“Pardon?”

“This is it, isn’t? What you were never going to tell me?”

“Oh, well . . . yeah?” Teddy responds with a sheepish, clenched teeth grin.

“Seriously? Teddy, how could you not know I fancy you back? I’ve been arse over tit for you since I was fifteen! Maybe even before that!”

“Really?”

“Of course!” James thwacks him on the shoulder with the backside of his hand.

“Ouch! Easy on the hufflepuff!” Teddy laughs. “And what do you mean _of course_? James, sometimes you act like you’re in love with everyone you meet--it’s one of the things I adore about you--you’re tactile and friendly and open and I . . . I could never be sure. I mean, not that I would have pursued anything when you were at Hogwarts of course--but then you finished school and were around a lot more, and I . . . I had a lot of er, feelings--to reckon with. I had no idea you would feel the same but I couldn’t stop thinking about you--”

“--That’s why you didn’t come around as much!” James interrupts. “Because of me? Because you had . . . feelings?” He would never have believed it if he hadn’t just heard it from Teddy himself. “You . . . you bloody beautiful oblivious idiot!”

“Pot, kettle?” Teddy responds with a smirk.

“Whatever,” James waves off the accusation. “So, you started taking music lessons?”

“Yeah, I saw an ad and I thought, why not? I needed something other than work to distract me from your . . . _thereness_.”

James stomach swoops down to his toes for the umpteenth time in this conversation. “And then you wrote a song about me,” he says dryly. “That doesn’t sound like a successful distraction.”

“Shut it, you!” Teddy says with affection. “It was Alyssa’s idea. She could tell I was a little, I dunno, depressed or something, and she said something along the lines of how every great musician turns their heartache into art and maybe I should give it a try. So I did.”

“And then you played the song, _my_ song, for strangers?”

“It was cathartic, okay? I mean, it was until you said you were there. Then, I panicked.”

“After supper. . . yeah! You were acting weird.”

“So were you!”

“I thought you had a secret girlfriend!”

“I thought you heard my stupid song!”

“Stop right there,” James says fiercely, putting his hand to Teddy’s chest. “That was the single most beautiful, perfect song there ever was, and the most amazing thing anyone’s ever done for me. So shut up.”

“Shutting up.” Teddy bites his bottom lip. James dutifully ignores what that does to his cock.

“But, then, what made you invite me tonight?”

Teddy points to his mouth, all wide eyed innocence.

James rolls his eyes. “Permission to speak.”

“It was what you said. How you missed me. How we’re best mates. You were right--I was creating distance between us, and hurting you, and when you put it that way, I guess I thought . . . I risked losing you either way. So I might as well tell you and hope for the best.”

James shakes his head slowly, unsure if he’ll ever get over the fact that all the time he’s wanted Teddy, Teddy’s wanted him back.

“It wasn’t easy. I was shitting bricks all week just thinking about how you might react.”

James guffaws. “Such a romantic.” He wraps his arms around Teddy’s waist and nuzzles into his neck. “Thank you. You have no idea how happy I am.”

“I have some idea,” Teddy quips, rolling his hips in a way that causes undeniable friction against James’ not-so-subtle erection.

James hisses through his teeth. “Un. Fair.”

“I mean,” Teddy purrs, “I’m pretty fucking happy myself. Don’t know if you’ve noticed.”

The way Teddy moves makes his toes curl and heat spread throughout his body. And just when James thinks he won’t be able hold back anymore, Teddy says softly, simply. “I’m so in love with you, James.”

James’ heart soars.

“Teddy?”

“Hm?” Teddy responds distractedly, his hands trailing under the hem of James’ shirt, grazing his back. James nearly forgets how to breathe.

“Do you, um, have another guitar at your flat?”

“What? Yeah?”

“Brilliant.” James murmurs against Teddy’s earlobe, revelling in the tiny gasp it evokes from Teddy. “Because I’m in the mood for a private concert.”

“Oh. _Oh,”_ Teddy replies, pressing in tighter. “Then let’s go, love.”

And James has never heard anything so lovely in his life.  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
